Invisible Grief: Ambiguous Loss and Executive Functioning

The Grief With No Funeral

Executives are often highly skilled at compartmentalising - at carrying on despite setbacks or disappointments. But some experiences don’t resolve so neatly.

These are ambiguous losses: grief without funerals. The parent with dementia. The child never had. The estranged sibling after a business dispute. The engagement that ended. The career path not taken.

These losses can weigh heavily, even when unspoken.

The Executive Mask

In leadership roles, composure is expected. Ambiguous loss often hides beneath that mask, surfacing instead as:

• Subtle indecision.

• Emotional flatness or irritability.

• A sense of “going through the motions.”

• Fatigue that no amount of rest fixes.

Because these losses are invisible, executives may dismiss their own pain, particularly when there seem to be so many other more pressing issues all around them. “No-one died.” But the psyche registers it differently.

Why This Matters in Leadership

Leaders who carry unprocessed grief can become withdrawn, rigid, or less emotionally available. This doesn’t just affect them; it impacts culture, decision-making, and teams. By contrast, leaders who process ambiguous losses often emerge with deeper compassion and authenticity.

The Role of Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy doesn’t dramatise ambiguous loss. It simply acknowledges it. In a discreet, confidential therapeutic setting, executives can:

• Name the grief and legitimise it.

• Understand its impact on identity and purpose.

• Be witnessed in ways the wider world doesn’t offer.

• Integrate the experience so it no longer weighs so heavily.

A Strategic Reframe

This is not about dwelling on the past. It’s about ensuring that what is unspoken doesn’t quietly drain energy and effectiveness in the present.

Seeing the Invisible

Ambiguous losses are part of many lives, but in leadership, silencing them can be costly, leading to more tangible losses. Facing them is not indulgence; it’s strategy, allowing for real pain to be processed in a respectful way that does not create further suffering.

If you’re carrying a weight you can’t name, therapy may provide the discreet container you need, enabling you to move on.